Recent Articles | DianePetrella.com

Apr

Breathe: A Trauma-Informed Tool for Intuitive Eating

For many who’ve experienced childhood or adolescent trauma, food became your emotional life preserver, and it’s understandably hard to let it go.

Perhaps you discovered how food helped you cope with overwhelm and stress when you were 16, 12, nine—or even four years old. Now you’re an adult, and it’s hard to sense when you’re actually hungry. When stress hits, tuning into your body’s needs isn’t what you think about.

You just want relief—fast.

The idea of intuitive eating can feel downright impossible.

Because when you feel stressed and scared, you’re not accessing intuition, you’re accessing survival instincts. That’s your fight/fight/freeze response. In survival mode, impulse overrides thoughtful reflection. Think about it: If you feel in danger you don’t take time to map out the shortest route to safety—you just run.

And sometimes you run to Burger King.

A Relaxed Body = An Intuitive Body   

So can you learn to practice intuitive eating if you have a history of trauma? The answer is yes. And learning to calm your body when stressed will help you make mindful and intuitive—rather than impulsive—choices. Calming your body activates the relaxation response. And it’s the relaxation response that helps you access your intuition and body wisdom.

Think of it this way: (more…)

Dec

This (Food Urge) Too Shall Pass

Diane Petrella

The 90-second rule is one of my favorite techniques to help my clients cope with stress and stop the urge to impulsively turn to food for comfort.

Here’s how it works:

Once you feel triggered with overwhelming emotion and feel that old urge to eat, it takes just 90 seconds for the stress you feel to leave your body. After that, you’re in charge, whether you keep the stress response going and head for the refrigerator, or clear your mind and allow the urge to pass.

I learned about the 90-second rule in My Stroke of Insight, by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor. Dr. Taylor was a brain scientist at Harvard Medical School when she suffered a stroke that left her unable to perform even simple tasks. Through her recovery she gleaned extraordinary insights about the mind/body/spirit connection.

This is what I learned from Dr. Taylor:

Although there are certain limbic system (emotional) programs that can be triggered automatically, it takes less than 90 seconds for one of these programs to be triggered, surge through our body and then be completely flushed out of our bloodstream.”

She writes about the chemicals released in her own anger response:

Within 90 seconds from the initial trigger, the chemical component of my anger has completely dissipated from my blood and my automatic response is over. If, however, I remain angry after those 90 seconds have passed, then it is because I have chosen to let that circuit continue to run.

Powerful stuff.

But how does this help with emotional eating? (more…)

Oct

Why Your Weight Needs Your Love

Diane Petrella

“Aargh… I’m up a pound!”

“Oh, good… I’m down a pound!”

“Ugh… I can’t believe I haven’t even lost a pound.”

Sound familiar?

It’s easy to obsess about the number on your bathroom scale. If that number colors your mood and dictates how you feel about your body, however, your body won’t feel loved—and you won’t get the results you want.

To develop body confidence, it’s important to focus on the relationship you have with your body, not on what you weigh.

So here’s something crucial you need to do (and I bet you aren’t going to like it. At least at first.)

Learn to love your weight.

Yes, you heard me. Learn to love your weight. Here’s why: Your body carries the energy of your inner thoughts and feelings. Especially if you experienced childhood trauma and had no one to support and protect you, the extra weight that came from emotional eating most likely holds the energy of pain, sadness and loneliness.

Emotional eating may have been—and perhaps still is—your only source of comfort. And that weight can feel like a cozy old blanket that helps you (and your inner child) feel safe.

What if you could shift from seeing the extra weight as pounds of fat to hate… to seeing them as pounds of pain that need your love? (more…)

Jun

Childhood Sexual Abuse & Weight Release: Making the Connection

Diane Petrella

Were you sexually abused as a child or teenager?

Is food your go-to source of comfort when upset?

Have you struggled with your weight and body confidence for a long time?

If so, you’re not alone.

There is a high correlation between early sexual trauma, emotional eating, and body image and weight concerns. If you can relate, you may be surprised to learn that your ongoing struggles most likely have little to do with food and exercise, although these are important. The reasons behind your emotional eating challenges are both neurological, rooted in your nervous system’s response to stress, and psychological, rooted in your conscious and subconscious trauma-based beliefs.

If you have a history of sexual abuse and struggle to release weight and feel confident with your body, you may have experienced the following:

You equate being thin with receiving unwanted sexual advances and feel vulnerable to sexual assault. These fears may be conscious or hidden in your subconscious mind, and, as you release weight they surface. You feel anxiety, experience panic attacks, or simply feel unsettled and don’t know why.
You feel uncomfortable being noticed, even in a positive way. After years of protecting yourself behind extra weight—your pounds of protection—you feel uneasy or self-conscious receiving compliments.
Because food, in fact, helped you cope, you experience a sense of loss or fear at the thought of no longer eating certain foods that have felt like your friends. Food was a source of comfort when people were either unavailable or dangerous.
You spent years detaching from your body to cope with the sexual abuse and have trouble creating a trusting and loving connection with your body today. Dissociation is a defense mechanism often used by sexual abuse survivors. They psychologically remove themselves from their bodies during the abuse and “watch” what’s happening from above. If you relate, understand that this helped you survive. But you’re safe now and can learn to reclaim your right to a positive and connected relationship with your body today.
When you experience trauma-based feelings such as fear, anger, helplessness, betrayal, shame, or guilt, it triggers binge eating. Even minor stress can feel overwhelming because it brings to the surface those old feelings, causing an overreaction. Once those old feelings and pain are released from your mind and body, however, handling life’s stress becomes easier because you stop bringing trauma-based feelings from the past into today’s challenges.
You’re ever alert for danger. This is because childhood abuse affected your developing nervous system as a form of protection. You were in danger so, as a survival mechanism, your brain responded to help you always be on the lookout. But today it’s hard to easily distinguish manageable from unmanageable situations. Even minor stress can feel destabilizing. For example, you may experience an increased heart rate, a sinking feeling in your gut, or rapid breathing. That’s not easy to deal with, so you turn to food to ground yourself. You’ve probably discovered that certain foods—especially high fat and sugary ones—help ease the uncomfortable fear-based sensations in your body and soothe your overwhelming emotion.

While the above responses to not apply to all sexual abuse survivors, they do apply to many. Early in my career I specialized in childhood sexual abuse and worked with many clients who experienced the above fears and struggled in this way. If this applies to you, I hope my writing this helps you to not feel alone and make sense of feelings and thoughts that may seem confusing to you.

Using food to numb your feelings and gaining extra weight were ways you tried to protect yourself. Food helped you cope with a dysregulated nervous system and painful feelings, and gaining weight helped you feel emotionally safe. That’s not a lack of willpower. It’s resourcefulness.

For many of my clients—and maybe for you—emotional eating and extra weight is the symptom. To heal and gain confidence with your body, you must get to the root cause as to why weight may help you feel emotionally safe and why you have used food for comfort. (Curious as to why I use the term release versus lose weight? Click here.)   Shift your attention. Instead of focusing only on diet, food, or exercise, encourage yourself to go deeper and begin an emotional eating healing and trauma-informed healing journey.

And remember, you were just trying to take care of yourself in the only ways you knew. Be gentle with yourself, okay? You did the best you could.

(Photo Credit: Cheron James on Unsplash.)

Mar

Check on the Children During the Covid-19 Pandemic

Diane Petrella

Staying home during this pandemic is the right thing to do. But when it started, the first thing I thought was:

What will happen to vulnerable children in abusive homes?

These children aren’t going to day care, school, or after-school programs where astute adults can notice something amiss. The stress in their families, as in all families these days, is heightened. And in emotionally and physically abusive families, children often are the targets of parental stress.

Child sexual abuse isn’t triggered by stress. It’s much more insidious. What perpetuates sexual abuse is that it is a “secret” between the child and offender. Now more than ever, it’s easy to keep things secret when families stay at home and children are isolated.

All of these children are at risk. They’re in greater danger now that staying at home is the norm in most US states. For them, their homes aren’t safe havens with parents giving them fun things to do during school break. Many of these homes resemble prisoner-of-war camps. I wish I were exaggerating but I’m not. I’ve worked with these kids and heard first-hand their truth.

If you have suspected that a child was being abused, now is the time to contact your state child protective agency with your concerns. Or you can call the ChildHelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453 (1-800-4-A-Child).

You don’t need “proof” and you can call anonymously. A child protective worker hears your concerns and their team makes the decision as to whether there is enough information to investigate. If there isn’t, your report stays in their system. If they get several calls about that child and family, they then take action. While all state laws are different, that’s generally how it works.

If you have contact information about a child you’re concerned about—perhaps the child of a neighbor, friend, or family member—reach out. (more…)

Mar

We’re In This Together

Diane Petrella

When it comes to the coronavirus pandemic, we’re in this together.

Perhaps the good that comes from this illness is a deeper way of connecting with our fellow humans. I read the following online but don’t know who wrote it. (Please let me know if you know.) It’s apparently going viral in Italy right now. Share and spread the love:

“We come to understand that this is a struggle against our habits and not against a virus. This is an opportunity to turn an emergency into an opportunity of solidarity and unity. Let’s change the way we see and think. I will no longer say “I’m afraid of this contagion” or “I don’t care about this contagion”, but it is I who will sacrifice for you.

I worry about you.
I keep a distance for you.
I wash my hands for you.
I give up that trip for you.
I’m not going to the concert for you.
I’m not going to the mall for you.

For you!

For you who are inside an ICU room.
For you who are old and frail, but whose life has value as much as mine.
For you who are struggling with cancer and can’t fight this too.

Please, let’s rise to this challenge!

Come together…nothing else matters.”

Jan

20 Mind Power Tips for 2020

Diane Petrella

Happy 2020! Instead of making hard-to-honor resolutions (like releasing those last 10 pounds by February or getting to the gym at 5:30 every morning), I recommend starting the New Year with a recommitment to your overall health and fitness.

In honor of the New Year and decade, here are 20 of my favorite ways to recommit—that have nothing to do with eating and working out. Because while good nutrition and exercise are important, equally important are calming your nervous system to curb emotional eating, becoming spiritually grounded to treat yourself with love and compassion, and using the power of your mind to follow through.

1. Choose a Theme for the Year

A theme (such as patience, forgiveness, courage, etc.) guides your growth and progress through the coming year. It becomes the lens through which you make choices. For example, if your theme for 2020 is self-compassion, think how you will bring self-compassion to your weight-loss journey every day. If your theme is health-first, how does that affect your daily habit?

See what I mean?

2. Ground Yourself  

Use this easy and effective technique called “Four-Step Breathing” to settle yourself when triggered:

Slowly take in a deep breath as you silently count to four.
Hold the breath for four counts.
Slowly release the breath as you silently count to four.
Hold again for four counts.

Repeat several times.

3. Choose Your Words Wisely

Eliminate the following words from your vocabulary: Try, should, can’t. These disempowering words add struggle to your weight-loss journey and weaken your confidence. For example:

Change “I’ll try to take a walk today” to “I will (or won’t) take a walk today.”
Change “I should eat a salad” to “It’s good for me to eat a salad.”
Change “I can’t exercise this week” to “I choose not to exercise this week.”

In the long run, being positive and honest with yourself keeps you strong.

4. Use the Power of Your Imagination

Success happens first in the mind. Take five minutes every day to visualize what it looks and feels like to release the next five pounds. Or imagine yourself reaching your goal weight. Especially important are the feelings—such as confidence or joy—associated with what you’re visualizing.

For example, imagine yourself ten pounds lighter and walking down the street with your head held high, feeling proud and at peace with yourself. Or visualize enjoying dinner with friends feeling content about making healthy food choices (and no longer thinking you’re depriving yourself by skipping dessert). This inner work of visualization with feelings ensures the outer work of your daily actions take hold.

5. Create Your Reality  

Don’t listen to those who say weight loss is “hard” and “difficult.” (more…)

Apr

Stop Fat-Shaming Yourself: Develop Body Confidence with Radical Self-Respect

Diane Petrella

“Hey, I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.”

 “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”

 “Every time I lose weight, it finds me again!”

“I’ll have more cake. It’s somebody’s birthday somewhere!”

Yuck. Not funny.

Maybe it’s because I’m a psychotherapist. I know that painful stories are hiding behind the attempt at humor. So when I hear jokes that poke fun at serious health and mental health issues, I cringe.

Our culture is so inundated with this stuff—think how many shame-inducing memes appear in your Facebook feed—that we’re desensitized to how harmful it really is. I want you to see how demeaning jokes undermine your weight-release journey, how you unwittingly join in, and how practicing radical self-respect protects you from their harmful effects.

Take Another Look at What’s Funny

My client Karen struggled with her weight since childhood and regularly joked about it. She would say things like, “Oh, I just look at food and gain weight” and “Chocolate calls out my name!” (Do you say things like that, too?)

Karen kept a cartoon on her refrigerator. The caption said, “Pie Calling.” It was a picture of an overweight women clasping her hands over her ears to stop hearing the pie across the room yelling, “Eat me…eat me!”

That cartoon belittled the struggle Karen was going through, so I discussed it with her. I told her she was being unkind to herself. She got it and said, “I never joke with my daughters about things that bother them like my mother did with me. It’s not right to do this to myself, especially about my body and weight.”

Karen threw away the cartoon. She said it felt liberating to no longer see her weight-loss struggle glaring at her face every day. By getting rid of the cartoon, Karen also healed a part of herself that was still hurting from childhood trauma. (more…)

Dec

31 Gifts to Honor Your Body

Diane Petrella

If you’re like me—and most people—come January 1st, you’ve probably already created a long list of New Year’s resolutions, goals or intentions to stay focused on being healthier, fitter and better to your body.

While those are great strategies, today I’ve got a powerful—and fun—alternative for you… one that will leave you feeling good and more in tune with your body. Especially after the extremes of the holiday season.

This January indulge yourself in the 31-Day Honor My Body Challenge.

Indulge in a challenge? Yes, you read that right. Here’s how it works:

Every day—for 31 days—simply give your body a gift.

It takes about 28 days of sticking with a new behavior to make that behavior a regular habit. So when you give your body a month of daily gifts, you’re creating a beautiful new habit of honoring your body, paying attention to its needs, and showering it with love and kindness. The result is a stronger commitment and connection with your body that helps your body confidence journey flow more smoothly.

Your Gifts

Loving gifts communicate to your body that it is honored and valued. Your gift can be as luxurious as a hot stone massage, as simple as drinking a tall glass of water, or an every-day routine, like brushing your teeth.

The 31-Day Honor My Body Challenge doesn’t mean you do something extra-special for your body, although you can. The point is to designate one thing each day as your body’s special gift. You then mindfully offer caring attention to your body through that gift even if it’s something you routinely do every day.

It’s amazing how this simple thing can transform your day. (more…)

Apr

Clothes Too Big? Too Small? Closet Clearing for Yo-Yo Dieters

Diane Petrella

Springtime clutter clearing can be a stressful time for people riding the yo-yo dieting roller coaster:

What do you do with clothes that are too small or too large?

This isn’t a simple clutter clearing matter. When your weight remains relatively stable—and when you have clothes that fit you well now—it’s easier to decide what stays and what goes.

But when your weight fluctuates, it can be challenging.

Figuring out what to do with different sized clothes can trigger feelings of failure and fear:

“If I keep gaining weight, at this rate I’ll be wearing that size 20 dress again.
I need to keep it… just in case.”

“I love that silk blouse, but I’m afraid I’ll never be that thin again to wear it.”

I typically suggest that my clients keep in their closet only clothes that fit them well and feel comfortable to wear—today. But there is no right or wrong way. When some women look at a pretty dress in their closet that’s too small, they feel disappointed in themselves. The see it as “proof” they’re a failure. For others, however, that same dress inspires them to keep making positive lifestyle changes. Imagining wearing it again keeps them motivated.

Here’s the thing:

Your clothes are worn on your body, right? So it’s only fair you let your body have some say in this. Plus, you and your body are life partners. Your body holds a wealth of wisdom and wants to support you. Whether you call it your body wisdom, intuition or Wise Self, this guidance comes from the same Divine source. From helping you overcome emotional eating to guiding you to decisions about the clothes in your closet, your body can help you.

You just have to ask. (more…)